I was wondering about my life once again, as you do, and started thinking about the nature of happiness. What even is happiness? Is it even possible to always be happy?
Obviously I kind of know what is happiness. But there are some strange things about it. If I consider happiness to be those above normal moments, it would obviously be impossible to always be happy. I am not sure if that feels right. But as always I think that everything is relative. You can't have good times without bad times, or at least without mediocre times.
There's also this strange thing that I think most people can relate to. After a period of happiness things just feel strangely... empty? Maybe an example would help - imagine that moment after saying goodbye to your closest friends after a great night spent with them. Suddenly you are just like... ok I'll speak for myself, because I am not totally sure everyone goes through this. Suddenly I am overcome with this feeling of loneliness and emptiness. In this hypothetical I just talked to my friends, who I care about immensely, had a great time, but suddenly I feel like this. It's like reality is suddenly hitting. It's like I once again in this moment realize that this happiness is unachievable in the long term. Another similar example, or even more intense for me is when you end a voice chat with your friends (also much frequent nowadays than the first scenario). Suddenly, I realize that I am sitting all alone in my room, staring at a screen.
I almost feel like these moments are in some way fake, when I remember them afterwards. It's hard to imagine myself laughing for hours.
Another thing I was thinking about is the concept of just smiling more. Is it possible that you can really "fake it till you make it" by smiling pretty much always? Can just pretending to always have a positive attitude and being optimistic actually make you happier? I feel that forcing myself to smile is incredibly fake. Are these people actually happy? I feel that always being happy like this is an unreachable ideal. Maybe, even if they aren't actually happy, it's better to look happy, rather than be the human equivalent of this emoticon: -_-.
I am sorry for rambling once again.
21. 1. 2021